Feb 2018 LAN Session

Just incase I mixup names, Sitstill=Guildan, Prince Adam or just plain Adam=Pelet, Monkeys always Monkey and I am always me, or Theydon, or Trulee. Or Little Truley or Robin.

Friday 2nd Feb

Sitstill picks me up first before heading off to Monkeys house to grab him, heading to Prince Adams house, our destination.

The usual banter had started as early as 3am as Pelet was asking 'are we there yet' and then I was hurrying up Guildan as he had not arrived and my missus was making me do stuff so I petulantly moaned to Guildan 'are you there yet' and when Monkey started his 'are you there yet' I said dont be a baby we will get there when we are ready, telling him we were in the cafe.

Back to the LAN session, and it's brought to you with the aid of visual words on a bit of paper, on which I will elaborate as you peruse.....

Lets start with the picture at the top shall we? I had completed Aurora the week before, and had not bloody stopped going on about it. And why not? It is glorious, so much so that Queen Bee and Auruillium Infusions have dropped off my radar. Discord chat during the week had Pelet say he was waiting for me to arrive at his house for the LAN with a mobile Aurora, small plastic purply things on wires like a solar system made by a 7 year old, only mine was all bent up after wearing it for the car journey and I had lost one along the way.

All side splittingly funny to us, but I can imagine this being a curious look from anyone else....bear with me though, as this description applies to almost all the things that we found funny this weekend...or to be fair, all the time.

Anyway, the PCs are set up (not before a beer is consumed) and once we are logged on, Pelet passes round our agenda's and gets us to roll for something....prizes! He gives us a mount skin and 5 keys each (Welcome gifts 5/5) and I did shockingly well, getting 2 rares (Griffon glider and a BL Weapon skin), Monkey and Sitstill doing better with the mount skins as their keys where a tad rubbish sadly.

Lets back up a bit. Welcome Gifts 5/5? This was some random Trip Advisor thing that started as we got to Pelets house. He lives behind a gate, and the instructions of "...drive at it, it will open.." didnt work. When Pelet arrives and starts pressing the clicker to no avail, this started my cheeky "..door entry system, 1/5".

It also reminds me of:

The first two hours or so are very relaxed - actually the whole LAN session is, but the first few hours are more explanations of what do you want to do, what are your goals, tidy up bank space, sell off some crap....lots of prep work basically. Gems are bought by all - I would say we bought £100 worth between us today easily.

I personally have had enough of Keys, and personally dont see anything I want anymore bar super rare drops that are so super rare I would rather ecto gamble. Not saying I wouldnt buy the odd 5 every now and again, and I will carry on with my weekly keyruns until I run out of tombs, but 25? Hell no. However, mount skins are my choice of chance this weekend, and I must have the electric Raptor. I simply must! I do tick off the Celestial Doggie in the batch of 6 I bought though, which was nice. Oh, and any simialarity between the cost of 25 keys and 6 mounts will be ignored obviously.

I do grab an extra bag slot for Trulee - loot space obviously, and another bank slot, as the cheap material prices mean I am stockpiling more. Pretty sure Pelet also bought keys, but we sit round for Monkeys key opening and it is quite frankly shocking, as he piles through 60 keys and only gets two rares! Unlocks (Dyes, Wardrobe, Armour, weapon) help redeem some of his bad luck, but they really need to up that rare slot chance.

During this period, Pelet reveals that he has the Griffon....or rather he mounts it in front of my character while I stare at the screen uncomprehending for far too long before I shout out "Cheaty Griffon!" - which admitidly is not the best of retorts as the others laugh at my expense.

And then the event starts properly. We go through the meta's, treasure key to it all, as well as experience gathering for Guildan and Monkey to help them fill either Tyrian or HoT related xp bars.

Octovine, Tequatl, Verdant Brink, Chak...the events and beer and treasure and bags and beer and opening and depositing and beer and laughing at all the crap carry on until we decide its time for dinner. Pelet has a lovely Chip Shop (5/5) nearby and off we trot for a stretch and a walk in the open air before returning, food in hand like the hunter gatherers we are.

Monkey and Guildan both have non fish based food, and I ask Monkey if they want to try my beautiful cod.

Monkey "No mate"

Me "Why, are you alergic or something?"

Monkey "No, its bad. Really bad."

Me "What, is it the Fish Police?"

Monkey "No, not them"

Pelet nearly falls over in the kitchen laughing and I cant keep a straight face anymore before exploding. This then was uttered at every oppurtunity. Is it bad? Fish police bad? No I dont know why I said the Fish Police, but for me it was a word association from being something bad, and made funnier by Monkey acknowledging that the Fish Police exist with his reply. Anything other than this perfect set up of "No its really bad" and "No, not them" would have had my Fish Police reply die a death or not even be uttered in the first place.....but his replies made it immortal. What he actually meant was that he cant eat white fish as it gives him bad guts....but we all know its actually related to the fish police.

And yes, analysing it after the fact means that Fish Mafia or Fish Ninja's would be more appropriate as something being bad, but just let me have this one please.

More keys are opened, and Pelet buys the Griffon mount. His reasoning, not that he needs to, is that he could buy 5 mount skins and not get what he wants (pointing at me) so buys what he wants, paying the extra for a guarenteed (and very beautiful) Griffon skin instead.

More beer, more food, more snacks consumed, Masteries gotten, Jackal mount for Monkey, more xp, more masteries, more beer, more treasure....you get the idea.

Tequatl (such a good choon!) is listed early in the list, but we did it again just after midnight, as this counted as a new day.

Dailies, and a little light Silverwastes and the four horsemen of the Apocolypse sign off for the night at a respectable 2am.

Notes at the end of the day this time, as I have all the win/loss stuff from Sandstorm listed.

An obvious start methinks. The Griffon jealousy seed is sown and with an early start (around 10am) while people potter about, shower and get ready, I have Dulfys webpage open and start the quest for my Griffon.

By the time we are all ready to start and breakfast is served, we have already bought more gems and hit the black lion store, Monkey grabbing a 10 mount pack. I think he only had 2 or three at this point and I think they were all the same (Bunny?) as well just to be even a crueller random mistress. My mount buys are calculated as I have bought 15 or so by this point in the last few months, and kept repeating that I wanted the Sparkle Raptor and then would stop, so I was only buying one or two at a time rather than 5 or more. To be fair, by this point, I had the best best bunny imo (the one with horns) the Skimmer with lights, the Celestial Hound, a fiery griffon, fiery raptor...so Sparkle raptor and Stardust Griffon were the last good ones I wanted.

So I buy one, then another, then another, and Stardust Griffon pops up. Which is nice.

One thing that Robs poor key results did give him was a huge amount of cogs for Season 1 based loot. He must have had one tucked at the bottom as I didnt see these during his results. He needed an Ascended Backpack, and the cogs are an excellent way to get them. He had the best part of 70 cogs as well, which means he could safely buy the bits he needed, and also grab the shattered wings that he liked so much as well.

Coincidently, I was only talking to Guildan about his lack of backpiece over breakfast, and after mentioning cogs, this prompted Monkey to say I think I have one or two of those.....so he proudly shows off what Guildan could have had but doesnt.

World versus World for a while, but the commmander leaves and this means we lose direction and meander around a bit. While under the influence of a Commander it was as awesome as always though.

....and so we head to Dragons Stand. This turns out to not be shit for once, and the running around not quite so tedious.

We go our seperate ways for a little while after DS, Pelet helping Guildan and I helping Monkey with different Masteries to help fill XP bars and Mastery tracks while I sneakily carry on with Griffon completion.

Its not long before the credit card is out again and more gems are purchased, which for me means more mount skins bought. Finally, after 21 out of a possible 30 mounts, I now have the Sparkle Raptor.

Fractals next, and making sure that both Monkey and Guildan have AR, we plow onto the dailys. We do remarkably well (see Pelet, I told you they would be ok! :p) and while Mai Trim did cause some issues (to be fair I had no idea how to beat her, I just followed everyones else's lead when I did this one) we got there in the end. Just to add this was all 4 manned, so I think we should be jolly proud of ourselves!

A little break to order Pizza, and again I continue with the Griffon, completing the 4th of five achievments....and getting ready to start the 5th in Vabbi..

And then I suggest Sandstorm.

Oh Dear says Guildan. Oh Dear says Pelet. Hmmmmmm says Monkey, with a glint (literally! as he has Glints mask on......oh well, I will get my coat) in his eye....

I then peer pressure Pelet into buying three hands of sandstorm, 300g and 750ectos worth. There is no way to dress things up, we do shockingly bad. Bad enough to carry on, which I suppose is the point and then worse still. Whats quite annoying is that mine and Pelets first 4 goes are more or less identical (his 3rd roll was my 4th and vice versa) - but after 4 rolls we had exactly the same losses. His 5th and 6th were better and mine were bad, but not that bad, and the net overall was Pelet up 10g and me down 70g.

I have now done this 66 times....34 to go!

Monkey on the other hand has been playing the medium hand quietly in the background and ends up a winner, finishing at least 8g and 90 ecto better off, which means he did better than all of us.

The pizza arrived, was quickly devoured, and then its back to the Meta's.

We are not having much luck with Chak - this was our third attempt today, as its more or less impossible to find a map after VB ends, so you need to skip VB and head for Chak 15 mins or so prior....and when we did find a map, we then find its a bloody HP tour and our Commander buggers off and we dont get the time to find one we can all get in to (all for one and one for all) so we move on.

Bounties are fun for a while, in the less frequented bottom lands rather than the ones at the top, and this goes on for a good hour or more.

Auric basin for Octovine again. Far too much stress, so lets have some appropriate music in the background as you read on.....

Why stress? Because once more we pull it out the bag - we always hit south as we feel no one seems to bother, and I am not exaggerating when I say it feels like we are the driving force a good 7/10 times in getting this lane done. Me and Monkey on Explosive duty (longbow 4 is king!) and Guildan and Pelet on Flopper duty.

The other thing is the map chat and watching when South is ready to go. We stopped like good Southerners, then got the stacks down to 5 and just waited until the word. That is until the slackers start fucking around and finally hitting the explosive and "aint we good, look at us go" and then waste the stack and suddenly the map explodes with "South you fucknuggets!"


Or, the classic, West (usually) defeats the octovine when South should go first then its a panic and suddenly our fault, and the majority of the Southerners are useless and the only people hitting it are me and Monkey on longbow 4 cooldown. No, sorry, scratch that, the idiots keep hitting it with non CC, so it explodes and doesnt get to the destination and we have to start again.

Believe me, we love the Octovine, always hit south, and so see this shit alot. If you dont have an attack that helps move the explosive, then clear the fucking floppers, as they can really bugger us up.

But you know what, we dont care. The one thing we do care about is loot. Actually, I dont even care about that, I care about one thing, and one thing only, the moment when I start singing along to this fucking epic masterpiece of a song (1:22 - I sing along at this bit, not that the song starts then as the build up is fucking awesome too) - altogether now....Der ner ner ner nah, Der ner ner ner nah.......der der da der da der da da.....

Loot thirst sated, but tragedy befalls another thirst......we have run out of beer. Oh, and look at the time, its 1130....bollox. Off to the shops....but its too late, the shutters are down, and Pelet does not have any shops that are, shall we say, less strict with alcohol laws, so we peer through metal shutters at the pub juice for a moment longer before turning away.

Wandering around picking up snacks, I realise that despite an epic amount of pizza, I am starving hungry again, so wander off for some snacks, bumping into Monkey in another isle, family sized lasange in hand. He gives me the look, you know, that one that says fuck it, you know you will eat some, and I give him the same look back...of course I will. And thats were Pelet finds us, picking out a M&S meal for two. Lasange seems just a little too much though, and so we settle on armfuls of crisps and sandwiches and sweets instead. We are boosted along by the fact that Pelet mentions that he has a bottle of champagne back at home....so quickly paying, we run back home.

With proper Champagne in hand, not Presecco or any old fizzz, and a BLT in the other, I remark that this bottle was probably destined for something special, a milestone birthday, Marriage, wetting the babys head or somesuch, anything but us pissed up idiots eating sandwiches from a petrol garage at midnight washed down with fruit mentos and Haribos.

Stuffed and floating along once more in alcholic bliss, we hit the dungeons, and the Catacombs that myself and Pelet epicly battled our way through are remarkably taken to pieces by the four of us. The room full of bandits is pulled and we slaughter the fucking lot of them - a jolly good thrashing all round methinks.

I have just realised this picture looks like me and Pelet are embraced in a kiss while Monkey shoots bandits in the background. And if you didnt at first, you will now. Your welcome.

To end the day, its back to WvW for some more calf killing and epic running away. Another 2am stop, with promises of an 8am start the following morning. Oh, and I find an Ascended chest in my bags as well - which must have come from some WVW loot or WVW levelling (102? now) within this last hour as I clean out my bags regulary, unlike Pelet. So thanks for that!

Saturday Notes


The alarm does indeed go off at 8am, and up up and away, we get cracking. Or rather I give some half arsed vague directions to Monkey to help him get masteries while I concentrate on doing my Griffon quest obviously.

I start to help properly though, and we all bounder along, picking up easy communication ones as well as getting to the point for Monkey where he completes Hound 3 so he can teleport through portals to pick up more.

Pelet is going through his loot as he inconceivably doesnt open bags after each event and stores them like a horder on a run down council estate, and its then when Keith buys a 25 batch of keys, of which the results are so shockingly bad that I doubt he will ever buy keys again. I am pretty sure he got no rares (or maybe one) in this batch of 25, and while he did get a good few unlocks, he got terrible results there too.

The only saving grace was that he ended up getting 25 cogs or so, meaning we could make him an Ascended Backpiece. Pelet also got keys, and he must have used all the excess luck of the many many keys bought during the weekend as the rares kept coming, and his (mostly dye based) unlocks were all top tier ones - Abyss Black etc. The cherry on top was a mining node that sold for 180g or so, meaning he effectively got all his gold back.

I am told that the missus is correct, and that I do shout quite loudly with my headphones on as I fight a boss to earn my griffon. I was only giving myself commentary and not actually talking to anyone - and so engrossed I did not see this lot laughing at my shouty shouts as I nearly threw myself off the cliff and the game compensated for my idiocy and put me back on the ledge to continue the fight.

And then it was done. Huzzah!

More masteries for Monkey and Guildan, then back to the Metas. The map we were in for the VB meta was a bit sparse, but we did the usual, fight the Matriach then fly over to the Patriacrh.....to find that its just us four. Yes yes I know that Boss mobs scale, but god damn it felt good as we took it down through the break bar stages....well lets stop myself there. I say we, but it was me and Pelet mostly, as Guildan had dropped off the edge, missed an updraft and spent most of the fight getting back to us. Monkey I think also missed an updraft or rather seemed to spend all his time in the updraft suspiously quiet, probably sitting on the ledge underneath letting us do the shield breaking before returning to fight it normally. Regardless, we had it to 25-30% before one, two, twenty people showed up to finish it off.

And before anyone says anything about robbing people of loot if we had done it - the last 10 or so of these I have done (no where near as many as times as I have done Octovine obviously, so not claiming to be an expert in the slighest) they have all gone Matriarch > Patriarch > then either the horrible one in the circle or the annoying vanishing one before fininshing the last one, so it wasnt our fault no one turned up.

An Octovine, which of course we are awesome in, and another few goes of Sandstorm......a light loss is all, barely worth a mention. We then go back to Fractals, with both myself and Pelet bringing out the little guns, Little Truley and Henaan.

Back to the meta's, and we finally hit a Chak map, and are succesful. All goes like clockwork, and this is the gang waiting for the lasers to blast down the walls.

Back to the fractals to do level 20, and we all get disconnected, which for me was quite funny as I was stuck in machine gun mode (Longbow 2) and so ran around for ages pew pew pewing everything that was so far out of sync due to lag.

Silverwastes next, a little RIBA as we join a map that was at stage 4 already and we then hit the nightmare room....where I get to use up all my keys, about 20 of them. I sit there for ages just opening and closing the chest filling my bags with goodies until some fucker trains a death dog into the corner killing me. Still rich though!

Lastly, WVW to finish off. And like that, the lan session is over. I estimate approx 35hrs of game time crammed into the weekend? To put it another way, thats an average working week for most of us, just gaming.

So what does Trip Advisor say? LAN session 5/5.


Sunday Notes