Chapter Twenty Five –"Make way for Harold Lloyd (A pair of glasses and a smile)"

Hello my darlings, Trixie here. As that chameleon farmer boy is absent for the next few days I have taken it upon myself to tell this part of the tale, so I sit here sipping a vintage chateaux with my man servant Vaffanculo who writes down my musings…..

My companions spend their time wisely in town, well most of them do. I myself make a pair of haste boots combined with the springing and string ability to improve my general speed and ensure I am everywhere I should be at the proper time, while conversely being everywhere I should not also at the right time.  The filthy Barbarian has bought a flying mask and a Mollusk to assist in his underwater activities – for which he paid a small fortune for and I do believe I have some beans that he may be interested in. Idjit has bought some bottle bottomed spectacles to help him see in the dark, but this gives him the rather unfortunate look of the class simpleton, a role he cannot but help embrace. Stumpy and Tenpast also make stuff I think, but it was teatime and I could not be bothered to ask, nor would I have been that interested in their replies if I had.

As we are all aware of the fact that one should simply not go out on one’s own to wander about town and should in fact stick to the current togetherness that comes with making trinkets and sewing buttons on clothing, it comes as no surprise to find that Idjit has left without a chaperone. Apparently he has gone to the town guard to look for some paid work, and is summarily rejected and sent back – something that only lends to my evaluation of him. Never mind, I have plenty of chores that need to be done that will occupy him until we depart.

However, he does not return promptly, and with many potatoes to be peeled and whites to be washed, I become impatient and call out for a guard to look around for him. The guard has the temerity to question me asking him, but he soon does what I want. The guard returns promptly to report that Idjit was stabbed in the market by an unknown assailant many times, and luckily for him collapsed in a shop storefront and thus did not bleed to death.

My guard friend, now dressed in an apron and standing at the sink while vigorously brushing the gusset of my undergarments, continues with his report by adding that one of the guards onsite was heard to say “I knew he was not worth employing - he can’t even look after himself” and the near corpse was taken to Lady Santos to bring him back to the world of the living.

Collecting Idjit like a garment from the cleaners, or more aptly, a carcass from the butchers, we rests for a few days until we are all ready to return to the Castle White Rock once more. I patiently explain that there are but three options available to the party, A) Stairs that lead up B) The water room with the dead crayfish and C) The locked room with funny water.  The party decide on whichever one contains the well, merely to be obstinate to me it seems as I have neglected to remember which one of those options actually contained a well. As usual, these peons have no such knowledge of this and so I simply congratulate them on their choice, while adding that it’s the one that I would have chosen while leading them onwards. 

At the well Chunk jumps in having activated both mask and pearl of Sirens, dropping over 80 feet, before hitting the water. In the well there is an enormous blob lurking below him in the water and Chunk correctly decides to leave the well, rather than fight one or more creatures alone in the water.

There is another unexplored area to be checked, so it’s off to the locked door at end of the corridor, which Stumpy reminds us that he sensed undead here last time. As we move in, the room is heavily covered in dust, with eight alcoves spread around room. Each contains a humanoid skeleton, perhaps of the Orcish variety, though strangely still standing upright, so possibly attached to the wall via some as yet unseen method.

A heavy mace is left lying on the floor, too invitingly for those with cunning, meaning that most of the party want to pick it up. This befalls to Chunky, who flies in to grab it, but almost immediately a big wind stirs up the debris and a Dust Wraith appears!

Chunky lands next to Wraith, swings and misses and then feels faint. I fire a barrage of Magic Missile which strikes the beast, and Idjit charges in striking it. Sadly Chunky has a ‘little turn’ and by that I mean he simply turns to stone in the middle of room. Stumpy tries using some Cleric skills, but to no avail. I then let loose with a few Sonic Orb’s, and again strike my target, and Stumpy runs in and clubs it.

Idjit’s armour takes a beating as he is struck many times, but he retaliates and strikes with ‘the last blow of death’. The mace is collected and I search the room with my usual womanly skill finding a hidden passage at the opposite side of the room. Discussions follow on where we are too sleep, and also, what are we to do with Chunks statue? We decide to open the door leaving Venus de Milo where he is, but the boys in front are met by two Undead. The boys get touched but are strong versus the Dark Arts and only take minor injuries. Idgit hits with two hammer blows and one of the undead beast dissolves. The cleric tries turning and has success, and the last beast also is banished.

The night passes with no real issues, except for the usual and dramatic wakeup call as we are all kicked out of the rope trick un-ceremoniously. Stumpy picks the right spells for the job at hand and we head down to Chunky to see what the new temple statue is doing. No real change and so the spell is cast, the grey stone shimmers and body and armour come to life. We tell Chunk what he has missed and show him the Magic Mace of the Dust Wraith that we have collected but not yet fully examined.

We head back down to the newly discovered corridor, surrounded by dust and cobwebs. The felling of unease remains with the group. I have maintained the vital position at the rear of the group and for my trouble get mugged by a teenage hoody, some kind of ghost wearing a cowl. He shimmers out of the wall and strikes me but my strength versus his pitiful magic is good and the damage is slight. The ghost moves in and misses, and I return the blessing with a successful magic missile strike at where he once wore his family jewels.

Despite the undead having no working organs, its seems a man never takes a strike to the nuptials well, and so I get hit again. My Scorcher spell explodes in the wall, but the ghost has blinked out just as it should have hit. He re-appears again, and so I tumble past and send in a Sonic Strike that misses. The undead really wants me badly (I must change my perfume!) and hit again I decide I have had enough and charge through the group - there really is no glory here. Stumpy steps up and turns the ghost, easy when you know how.

We then move into a large chamber, a chamber so large that our dark vision cannot pierce the darkened areas adequately. The stalactites hang from the ceiling like dragons teeth. At the other end of the chamber are two exit points, dark foreboding tunnels that draw our attention. We stop in the middle of the chamber in a large circle and contemplate our choices, but the one choice we didn’t consider was the attack from above.

SPLAT, hit by slime, which drops on the group like a big sponge. The acid pain is immense and our strength drains rapidly from our bodies. Those with armour watch it melt in front of their eyes, no wonder our flesh is blistering so easily. The pain is intense, I am first to react and do the only thing I can, which is to scream out in indignation while simultaneously engulfing the party with a large Fireball. This burns of the slime but has the side effect of the slight damage to our skin. I then speed past Chunk who is consumed by a rage but can only get within 5 feet of the chamber entrance and safety and still in the eyeline of the raging fur wearing barbarian. Idjit and Stumpy run as fast as the can and put their bodies between me and Chunk. Chunk comes storming over and swings at Idjit but thankfully misses. Then SPLAT another slime drops, engulfing them all again.

I reach out and grab Stumpy to Dimension Door out of the area and to the relative safety of the beach. Idjit is out of options and gets his head down and runs up the stairs to escape the marauding barbarian and the green slime of death. Chunky manages to regain control of his senses but is unable to persuade Idjit to stop running. Meanwhile at the beach the water has not had the desired effect and we are still melting from the slime. Trixie drinks a potion of healing in a bid to gain more time whilst Stumpy covers himself in oil. Trixie does likewise and with her hasted action is able to ignite the oil on them both. It’s all too much for the sturdy Dwarf Cleric though, as the pain from Slime and fire directly to his beard causes him to drop into the water unconscious. Barely standing up myself, I pull him above the waters grasp onto dry land and he is saved with another potion.

Meanwhile Idjit has stopped running as the acid is melting him. He too covers himself in oil and then ignites himself and turns into a living candle, but the fire and slime seem to be very volatile, and he continues to burn brighter than the sun, until Chunk finally catches up with him and takes him to the well to put him out. The Barbarian flings the helpless Idjit down the well, which has the desired effect of putting out the flames. Idjit, barely conscious, sinks down into the well while Chunk prepares himself to go in after him.

Idjit comes to rest on a nice soft surface, but he has not found the bottom of the well but has simply awoken the blob monster. A fight for survival ensues involving a rather unfair grappling competition. When all looks doomed and with death nearing, Idjit manages to break free and push quickly to the surface. Chunk has entered the water and takes the helpless Idjit in his arms and flies him out to safety.

Idjit collects all the praise for a fantastic display of “Harold Lloyd” antics, to sum up his actions:

  • Stabbed to near death in the market
  • Covered in slime, Fireballed, covered in slime again all the while being attacked by a mad barbarian.
  • Runs around with acid burning him, covers himself in oil then cannot put himself out.
  • Finally assisted but made barbarian who “helps” by throwing him into well that is known to contain a blob monster.
  • Get grappled and nearly eaten by monster and then when on his last legs is eventually saved by the barbarian to add a perfect symmetry to the day.


Are those glasses cursed????????


Played: 2010
Draft Started: 31/10/12
1st Draft Finished: 04/12/12
Posted: 20/12/12