Here is a list of all the chapters to date. The top few are yet to be written, and are likely to have a placeholder title. Enjoy!

Chapter 34 - Once more onto the Beech dear friend!

Chapter 33 - Will The Real Night Wolves Please Stand Up!

Chapter 32 - Indian Jesus

Chapter 31 - I'm hurt, hold me...

Chapter 30 - In the Night Garden

Chapter 29 - Never Interupt a Wizards Picnic

Chapter 28 - Toad you not to go down there....

The room goes quiet and we move into position guarding the exits when suddenly an electric Fireball explodes amongst us, catching everyone. Idjit spots the little Dwarf with wings, but the diminutive demi-human is quick, and drops another electrical blast within our midst. Idjit took most of the brunt of the first explosion, while Stumpy takes the majority of the second blast, meaning both are seriously weakened and both are nearly killed outright from the culmination of blasts. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Play on words

Chapter 27 - A Spider a Dragon and an Ooze walk into a bar…

Chunk backs off from combat as the Spiders razor sharp spines attached to the large spiders legs slash at his calf, knocking him back and causing him to limp badly. He quickly trades places with Idjit, and the raggedy Ranger moves forward with the Orb weapon, knocking into the Spider with a blow that swipes a leg away, causing the creature to falter slightly. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: That crappy joke, adapted to the topics of the chapter.

Chapter 26 - Dont Fall into the Spikey Pit, with anyone else but me..

Having been left asleep back in town, I spend the next few hours on four legs bounding through the countryside as a cheetah, before resuming a more suitable shape for moving through the darkness of the now familiar cave systems. It’s not long before I can hear the sounds of dungeon dwellers causing problems. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: A variation on 'Dont sit under the Apple Tree'

Chapter 25 - Make way for Harold Lloyd (A pair of glasses and a smile)

Hello my darlings, Trixie here. As that chameleon farmer boy is absent for the next few days I have taken it upon myself to tell this part of the tale, so I sit here sipping a vintage chateaux with my man servant Vaffanculo who writes down my musings. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Iinspired by Idjits glasses.

Chapter 24 - Its a Unicorn!

The Genie is quickly looted of anything that looks valuable and all stored away for later perusal. We then move back to the cold area, using McFlurry as a ferryman to cross the pit for those that need it and we spend the next few hours searching around the whole of the large cave area. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game quote.

Chapter 23 - Combo Wishes

In the silence that follows the last of the Ice Elemental’s collapse, Brother Ashitaka notices a leather bound notepad lying amongst the ice, and picking It up, brushes some Snowman off the book to reveal that the cover is embossed with a wolf. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: A recent Sky TV advert with the genie, where the little lad tricks the Sky package out of him, requesting Broadband, TV and Phone. This reference has been brought to you by Sky, and Sky+ :)

Chapter 22 - Its Getting Hoth in Here

Standing on the far platform staring at the open door, we get ourselves ready to all move across again as a party. I am half carried by McFlurry, but as I land down onto the ledge itself, despite making a near perfect leap, I still trigger the trap and get flung out and upwards before landing into the boiling water. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Quite clever I thought, a Volcano but with Cold sections, so Hot became Hoth (Please dont tell me I have to tell you its an Empire Strikes Back reference), mixed with the song by Nelly.

Chapter 21 - Once is Funny, twice is gay.

Chapter Title Reference: In game reference. I cant remember what I did, but this was Trixies comeback to me.

Chapter 20 - The Man in Black

Standing over the unconscious form of McFlurry, we quickly get ropes and a gag out to tie him up and silence him, while stripping him of his weapons and cloak. Stumpy arrives just in time to heal us of our Monk inflicted wounds and the sword talks rudely to us, denying any involvement as to why McFlurry’s suddenly turned into a mentalist. Chunk decides to pick up the Great sword anyway, cleverly wearing his mittens in an attempt to not get possessed. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Singular variant on the Men in Black, seeing as there was just one of him.

Chpater 19 - The Twisting Twindles

Taking advantage of the natural pause in the dungeon life as all lies empty, Stumpy casts a sending to get us back to town so that we can resupply and retrain. The two fighters are in need of training the most, and so Idjit and Chunk get on with whatever it is they need to do – whack training dummies or something apparently, while McFlurry, Trixie and I get on with far more important things, setting up a show in the market. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game reference, which Trixie or McFlurry came up with.

Chapter 18 - Are Six Heads better than One?

A Hydra, and all of its six heads beginning screaming at the terrified party and the little fly caught in the web. The screams pause only long enough for the Hydra to take a deep breath and open the hex of mouths to belch flames at us, and although flames are bad, this does have the side effect of removing the web from trapping us further. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game reference comparing the Hydra to Chunk.

Chapter Seventeen - "...mmm tastes of Chicken"

While McFlurry dances a jig after finding the secret door, we learn why our resident non present Rogue has been given the moniker of Shadow, as he scares the bejesus out of everyone by suddenly appearing from within the darkness of the stalagmites. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Reference to the thing that is eaten, and how all things that are undefinable, supposedly taste of chicken.

Chapter Sixteen - "Tenpast versus the Volcano"

Approaching from all sides, we start to close in on the Orc Lady, with Chunk trying to get round the broken rubble of a small outhouse while the brave Trixie and her noble steed (that would be me) take a more direct approach. Hoping that Trixie has a better plan than my current one of ‘ride at her and hope that the others catch up and help’ I notice movement from the shoreline and stopping to see what new dangers approach, spy a large body of humanoids, all armed with bows, run to a stop at the shoreline across from us. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Reference to the crappy old Tom Hanks film, Joe versus the Volcano. I thought about a variation on Dante's Peak, but couldnt think of anything clever.

Chapter Fifteen –"Don QuiTrixie"

Chunk rushes at the sleeping lads and within seconds has killed two of them with deft strokes of his talking sword. Trixie is next to react and drops a Fireball on the other few sleepers including Chunk, catching all in its fiery embrace. More Orcs rush from the darkened edges of the room and as Chunk is the only visible party member, they naturally target him first. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: A bit obscure, but it came to me because of the fact that Trixie was riding me and we (stupidily or not) kept charging into battle. Later when it turned out that Drugella was part giant, and Don Quiote is actually about Giants/Windmills, made me confirm the title and add in the reference to the book itself within the chapter.

Chapter Fourteen –"Where is a Petrologist when you need one?"

The scene shifts to see a poor excuse of a beach that would never win any red flag awards, with no ice cream vans, tatty stalls selling windmills or plastic castles, and not even a single saucy postcard in sight. All that you can see are four very naked and very dejected looking souls huddled around a crocodile that appears to be wearing armour. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: A Geologist that specialises in Rocks. Just the thing you need when you are casting spells relating to the volumetric size of rock that has magically turned to mud or clay.

Chapter Thirteen –"Unlucky for some...."

Chunk and McFlurry eventually move the rock out of the way so that I can peer out into the darkness for evil doers. After waiting a few minutes to make sure, and another couple more simply listening intently, I signal the all clear and we move onwards. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: The 13th chapter does not go well for some party members, and I wrote the name of the title before we had even played the session. We played, people died, the name stuck.

Chapter Twelve –"Does this smell of Fish?"

With the fight over the looting begins, all except McFlurry who checks for secret doors. We find some coin while the Elf finds nothing, so we quickly move on to explore more of this dungeon. An unexplored heavy stone door is found which is locked, while a wooden door nearby reveals a bedroom of sorts with many pieces of furniture to rummage through. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game reference.

Chapter Eleven –"The Acid Fog on the Tyne is mine all mine."

We leave the town and head back to Castle White Rock, arriving a day or so later without any problems. Entering into the courtyard of the castle, we carefully move through the rest of the levels and soon arrive down at the water barricade, stopping at the bottom of the stairs before wading through the water. Just as we get to the edge of the hidden pit, some 20’ from the wall, a humanoid shape appears on top of the barricade. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Gazza's song fits appropriately to Stumpy standing there and taking acid damage as it burns his face away.

Chapter Eleven Prequel –"Training Montage"

During one of the first few days in which we are resting in the town, I wake late in the night with an epiphany, or possibly something gastric based on the large amount of drinks and fine food consumed at the inn earlier. This however sounds far less heroic than is fitting with my deeds to date, so epiphany it is. My great plan is that I should learn the mystic ways of the Shifter, a distinctive variant of the Druid class and one that my Father strictly forbade me to become, mostly due to the fact that Uncle Levanter* had become one, changed into a mermaid and was never seen again. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: From the South Park/Team America reference's.

Chapter Ten –"The Earth Mother of Harlots."

We are not looking for very long before the doors open once more and two more of the large Troll-like Dogs enter the room as we search. Full of the ferocity that comes from years of abuse by their handlers, they leap and attack the closest person - me. Parts of McFlurry’s web still remain to annoy and hamper people, especially now that I find myself stuck on the wrong side of the web with two feral dogs as company. I take my chances by running the tiny walkway between the pits, managing just enough of a distance without falling in that means that the four legged animals cannot bite me anymore. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: I kept calling a NPC a Whore of Babylon, and this was a more Druidic reference I thought while still an insult.

Chapter Nine –"Hop, Skip and Chunk"

The Gnome, who stops laughing long enough to tell us that his name is Fiddle and that he is a slave working for the Wizard sorting gems and balancing his books. He continues by adding that although he looks unharmed, well treated and that there are no sign of chains or manacles, he cannot leave as his sister is kept somewhere below in the mines. They were waylaid by mysterious bandits and his privileged position is due to the fact that he was a jewellery expert prior to being kidnapped, and so managed to get himself appointed as a personal slave rather than bundled into the mines for menial labour. He then gives us details on the guards here of which he thinks are all Orc’s, adding that one or two of them are casters, “Although not as powerful as this one...” he says pointing at the floor. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Athletic event bastardised to reflect Chunks prowess.

Chapter Eight –"Lying in the arms of Jesus"

The running away from the large skeleton does not stop until we are out of the building, down the ramp and outside in the courtyard of the castle, where we decide to rest our weary heads for the night in the large stable. This is the only place large enough to hold all the weaponry and armour that normal parties would leave behind, but with us being so poor and so heavily taxed, we have to resort to any means necessary to fill the party coffers, hence the wagon full of scrap metal that I am asleep under, SpiderMonkey across my lap. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game quote - Trixie.

Chapter Seven –"...and generally, we will need more gold."

The running away from the large skeleton does not stop until we are out of the building, down the ramp and outside in the courtyard of the castle, where we decide to rest our weary heads for the night in the large stable. This is the only place large enough to hold all the weaponry and armour that normal parties would leave behind, but with us being so poor and so heavily taxed, we have to resort to any means necessary to fill the party coffers, hence the wagon full of scrap metal that I am asleep under, SpiderMonkey across my lap. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game quote - Trixie.

Chapter Six – Save the Spider Monkey, save the world!

With us all hiding behind tents and rubble, the masquerading solider calls out that we have five minutes to leave the castle else we will be sorry. We ignore him obviously, especially as Stumpy and Spider Monkey are still left under the torn tent. Trixie lets me know that she can see two familiar shapes on the distant shore – Shadow and Idjit have finally made their way here at last following our Hansel and Gretel breadcrumb trail. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Bastardized version of the famous quote from the TV Show Heroes.

Chapter Five – Are they digging in an evil way?

The day starts with much confusion as McFlurry interrupts the current conversation mid flow as we discuss tactics and spells by suddenly blurting out “..create soup? What spell is that?” We all pause as we recall the conversation, and not even breaking his sentence down into its component parts could we come up with that particular phrase. After a few well aimed blank stares he is summarily ignored as we discuss things properly, like where can we buy a wagon from with raised sides, barbed wire and a wizard’s tower. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game quote - McFlurry.

Chapter Four - Old Red Eye is back..

We sleep for the night, and thankfully I am blessed by my Deity with spells that help our current situation as I grow giant Bat wings and shepherd the children across the water. Not long after I have ferried the first of the children across, sheninigans begin as my pack is thrown in the water, to which no one owns up to. Thankfully my faithful companion SpiderMonkey was on watch, pointing out the naughty Chunk as the culprit with a raised paw. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: That song by the Beautiful South which fits in nicely with the Monk's eye.

Chapter Three - Help Me Obi Wan McFlurry

As the noise of battle settles, the lights grow dim, and soon we are left in darkness. This room only has one way out, so we walk to the archway, and into a dark corridor. All of us can hear rushing water towards the end of the corridor, and Stumpy tells us that there is a rope dangling downwards where the corridor ends abruptly. We move to the ledge, but even those that can see in the darkness cannot see the bottom of this huge cavern, and the roaring water is very loud now. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Star Wars, obviously.

Chapter Two - Trixie versus the Owl Bear

Stumpy and Chunk awake to find the campfire had gone out, and the morning well into its third hour. Neither of them felt at ease tramping through the wilderness last night, with strange howls seemingly following them in the distance, but with nothing bothering them all day they made good distance. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: In game reference.

Chapter One - A New Begining....

Things had already looked bad for us at the start of the day, with our commander telling us with a resigned sigh that we “…were probably going to die horribly in the coming battle.” This was before breakfast as well, and things didn’t improve when we realised that they had run out of bacon. Skip forward to the now, and while I am not obviously scribbling notes in my book while the enemy descend upon us from the hills and trees, it is rather imprinted upon my minds eye as I recall the events later, sitting cold and wet hiding in the bushes wanting the moon to go behind the clouds to hide me further. [more]

Chapter Title Reference: Loosely based on Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope.